How to Quit Your Job in 3 Easy Steps

Step 1: Decide you want to quit your job.

I don’t mean just want to quit your job. Decide to quit your job. Fix your resume up. Go on interviews. Look for freelancing opportunities. Decide you want to quit and the do the footwork to follow through. This is honestly the most terrifying step on the list, so it’s all the good kind of downhill from here. Got it? Good.

Step 2: Put on a 3-piece suit.

Because you are a goddamned lady (or gentleman).

Step 3: Quit your job.

You may suddenly feel as if your stomach has been replaced by a bag of snakes, but this step is unavoidable, so into the breach with you. Remember to be professional and courteous. Because you are a goddamned lady (or gentleman). Whether it’s McDonald’s or you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, don’t burn your bridges, and make sure to give them some time to find a replacement. By “some time,” I mean two weeks. They will likely ask for more. Take heart from the story of a friend of a friend, who gave her job 6 months notice and was chided for not giving them more. They’ll cope.

Try to avoid giving anyone (or everyone) the finger on your way out.

***

Moira, you are saying. It’s more complicated than this.

Here’s the thing, though: it really isn’t. You think it’s complicated because you need a 401(k), or the job market has been bad, or your job search was so draining last time, or your parents have always wanted you to be a pastry chef, or whatever. You’re telling yourself that every job is like this, and there are times when every job is work. Want to know how I know? I’ve told myself every one of those lies, except the pastry chef one. I’m lucky enough to have a family that cheered me on when I took the leap – and who were sometimes the ones dragging me, kicking and screaming, to the edge.

But when you decide, really decide, you will see just how uncomplicated it is. And you will put on your 3-piece suit, and you will go out into the world, and you will kick some ass.

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